Archive reports

Although often described as the ‘Sport of Princes’ it is very difficult not to LOVE Ratting. Obviously not in the Austrian, caring father, Josef Fritzel sense of the word but certainly in a ‘First Date’ ‘Butterflies in the stomach’ sort of way. So when the call came out to visit some farm buildings in the shade of Knapton Silos the team of Rugby Ratcatchers were as giddy as school girls.

Knapton Silos is a colossal erection that blights the Ryedale horizon from miles around (Titter ye not!!!!). It has been suggested that the shadow it casts leaves local residents with such little sunlight that they have a tendency to contract Rickets. That said the opportunity to rat in its umbra was an invite few refused.

The usual ‘up for it’ convoy of keen ratters left the Spotted Cow on a beautiful Sunday morning and on arriving, action started immediately. Stickmen were still handing out their alkathyne pipes and mocking the intelligence of a certain team member when ‘Sydney’ drew first blood, bolting a fat rat that somehow managed to squeeze its way out of an irrigation pipe. As the remaining pipes were lifted more rodents bolted, comparing to a ‘Bat the Rat’ stall at a school fete or one of Richard Gere’s “pick a pipe” parties.

Attention was then drawn to a length of hedge that ran along the side of a farm building, occupied by pigs. Terriers marked, the holes were smoked and a steady run rate of rats were bolted and dispatched. The terriers generally worked well together, hunting as a pack with glorious results. ‘Billy’ & ‘Reg’ performed a notable rat-bash as they persistently enlarged a hole that when finished was said to resemble that of the Chinese prostitute’s Po Cum-Sor after her World record attempt at the Greatest number of well endowed sexual partners taken within an hour. The results of both attempts involved painful squeals and a lot of blood and entrails. Again both campaigns were finished when things started to dry up. The terriers went onto another drive within the agricultural building; Po on the other hand reached for an ice pack and some Dettol soaked cotton wool.

So as not to cause undo stress to the piggy residents of the building, an Elite Group splintered from the main body of terriers and stickmen to police some of their sleeping quarters. The pigs were ushered towards the centre leaving some of the outer stalls vacant. Each bay had a wall-mounted trough with automatic watering system and feed bucket. The cunning rats had managed to establish strong holds behind these feed dispensers and the terriers marked enthusiastically where ever this was the case. Just as it was assumed that a feeder had been cleared another rat would bolt. Rodents came thick and fast with few escapees and soon the tally bag started to noticeably increase. Clever rats seem to find a ledge behind the troughs that offered them a degree protection. That is until from the alkathyne pipe bag some length of small bore under floor heating pipe were brought out to play. These were the perfect instrument to prod the ‘sitting tight’ rodents from their dens. One particular rat was noted as squeaking the National Anthem as it received a pipe pummelling of such intensity that another Oriental fiddler Vanessa ‘Sweet & Sour’ Mai could not have improved.

Above each stall was a low level suspended ceiling. Rats seem to recognise this as an obvious route to safety and with the connected water pipes running down from above sanctuary was just a short climb away. One of our more follically challenged stickmen thought that a sensible “Full back” position might be to have a terrier on top of the ceiling to catch any ‘high balls’. His gladiator ‘Monty’ drew the short straw and was selected for the No.15 shirt. Being one of the shortest stickman in the team, the supporting ceiling beam was suspended at his eye level. As a result ‘Monty’ was launched from hand as Geoff Capes might have thrown a caber. Unbeknown to the wingless terrier the ceiling had actually been removed and so ‘Monty’s’ upward excitement was quickly reversed to a plummeting terror as he fell the best part of six feet onto a slurry smeared concrete base. The only consolation that the poor terrier gained was that as he landed he produced the sort of excrement fountain one might expect to find outside a Hotel in Las Vegas. All surrounding this unfortunate misunderstanding were given a fragrant fake tan.

The majority of the team had moved onto an old bonfire site. Trade was apparent but even with the acrid smoke produced from the newest member of the gang; the vermin sat it out. The host farmer offered the assistance of his tractor with corn bucket and he steadily scraped away at the ratty hotel. Fleeing rats were stopped in their tracks but one or two rather more intelligent rodents took salvation from some holes that lined a ditch besides the bonfire. If one looks up ‘Ditch’ in the dictionary it describes it as “a narrow channel dug in the earth for drainage or irrigation”. So perhaps the rodent refuge should be denoted as being besides an open oily sewer. One might half expect a wooley mammoth to be pictured drowning in such a tar pit. However by the time these hard to get rats were evicted barely a single terrier could claim not to be soiled. Passengers who travelled in our vehicles  after the event might well have been mistaken in thinking that Bobby Sands had hitched a ride whilst eating out of date egg sandwiches and suffering from a particularly virulent stomach bug.

The final drive of the day was another larger bonfire site and heap of earth, with a mass of interwoven pig wire throughout it. Our strongest, most numb stick men rived and strained to free the wire but to no avail. A more senior member of the team was forced to ‘take an early bath’ and had to further examine himself when he feared the worst and considered he may of suffered a rectal prolapse. The lump in his back pocket turned out to be his wallet but for a moment we feared the absence of our in house Vet. The hosts tractor was used to snag the wire and then slowly turn the earth. Terriers and stickmen alike surrounded the site waiting for the disturbed rodents to bolt. This they did in considerable numbers with “Frankie”, “Daisy” and “Sydney” taking full advantage of the running game. “Billy” was commended for some close quarter battling within the corn bucket as the tractor drove off and “Coco” having been yellow carded and leashed for fighting with another team member still successfully lessened the resident vermin.

Reports could not be confirmed that Michael Barrimore had popped over with his snooker cue to watch us from a friends neighbouring farm. It was believed that the presence of a certain guest terrier called “Peanuts “ who was repeatedly being called for by his excited young boy owner might well have been misheard. With the whistle blown the quarry was paired up, a team photo was taken and guests were offered a brace to take home. Terrier of the match was given to ‘Sydney’ for some most excellent try saving tackles and sympathy was rained down upon anyone who had a light coloured suite back home.

The Malton and Norton Rugby Ratcatchers would like to take this opportunity to thank the host Farmer for his invitation and hospitality. We would also like to send out specific thanks to the event contact and his introduction. He has a website that is worth a visit on www.molecontroller.co.uk  .We hope that the lessened rodent population allows the high protein feed to stretch that little bit further.

.