Archive reports

With the media trying their best to convince us that the sky is about to fall down, the Malton & Norton Rugby Ratcatchers decided it would side step the increasing costs of living and gain solace from the simple pleasures in life; the ones that cost nothing and offer instant relief to our stressful lives. We sometimes forget how easy nature finds it to brighten up our existence; be it a dry sunny day for an impatient farmer revving his bailer, a bowel movement for marathon runner Paula Radcliffe or an infestation of rats on a Ryedale Livery stable. So as oft’ before the Ratcatchers left the Spotted Cow, this fine Sunday morning, to offload their tensions on an unsuspecting but recently visited locally renowned landmark.

Whoever it was that penned the expression “Never judge a book by its cover” must never have tried keeping a horse at this Equine establishment. From conversation with locals only three things boast to thrive from this place, these being Yellow Fever, NSPCC case files and Rats. Thankfully it was the latter that excited the team of eager stickmen and associated terriers. However a recent email inquiry, via our website, from rodent curious Gary Glitter may well have alerted the Department of Social Services to this Old Malton site of depravity.

A length of hedge line was the first drive of the day. The nettles that had been slashed back on our previous visit were now shin high and angry for revenge. The hedge bottom was cleared, as best it could be, with spade edges and flailing alkethyne pipes and the old faithful smoker yanked into action like a camera shy, and not so ready for seconds, porn star. Rodents fled for their lives and as before terriers cut them off at nearly every turn. “Sydney” and “Toffee” making some excellent cover tackles. New to the sport “Monty” showed that he wasn’t just a pretty face battling, at close quarters, with some quite sizeable rats seeking sanctuary between the hedge roots.

The ratcatchers however had not anticipated the vermin's’ special evasion tactics. Not playing to the clearly stated rules of Ratting many rats took “to the trees!!!” scrambling up the Hawthorn hedges and onto the stable roofing. Far from ‘stable’, the sheeting offered the same rigidity and water tight properties of newspaper and meant that not even a well thrown terrier could pursue the cheating rodents. Amongst the usual affiliated stickmen were a group of probationary gladiators. Their aim, it has to be said, was sadly not matched by their colorful vocabulary and streetwise attire however the ratcatchers were more than happy to aid Ryedale’s ASBO Officer, integrating care into the Community.

After draining the natural boundary, like Sports Personality Paula might an orange squash, the Rat pack moved “Indoors”. Stable to stable was cleared, rat holes smoked, broken deep freezers rocked and heaps of rubbish turned like Titchmarsh would his vegetable patch. Buildings with partition walls were drummed like a percussion section at the Proms. Locals assumed that the shouting and banging was just another “Bring a Baby Party” that are held frequently at the stable’s witchcraft barbeques.

It is often said that “Birds of a feather, flock together”, an observation that can often be seen with drinkers at the Railway Tavern, Norton or Bestial lovers around the sheep pens in Malton. On a more positive note it was great to see “Coco”, “Daisy” and “Cathra” (the three Borders) working so effectively as a team. They seemed able to predict each others attack moves as would three times World Champion Table Tennis Players Fu Kin Sly & Hi Cum Phat.

With the outside “dusted” and the inside “Cleaned” the organiser welcomed a team photo. He emptied his tally bucket and counted a most admirable 55 unwelcome squatters. Comment was passed that it was unfortunate that the British Judicial System prevented us evicting the human vermin that so often lurked in the establishments shadows but with such a removal from their food chain some of the human residents might well move on at meal times!

Monty ^ v

Scrumpy ^

Monty ^

Daisy ^