Sometimes the biggest optimists in the world have to have their hopes dashed. Even Paddy ‘Spawney Sod’ O’Lucky just occasionally is unfortunate enough to pull a oriental lady back to his place and find that she packs the sort of wedding tackle generally found swinging between the legs of a Grand National winner. So it came to pass that when the Rugby Ratcatchers met up at Barton to try and replicate the watery rat hunt that had been such a success just a week before lady luck, or Paddy’s for that matter, was not shining down upon them.

Such had been the feedback from the boxing day hunt that numbers wanting to attend were very high. Although but a mile apart the two sites were on paper very similar with pheasant feeders and a duck pond to draw obvious comparisons. However it soon became clear that ‘Pay as you go’ vouchers were the must have Christmas present for local vermin and the rats on this hunt were pre-warned of their imminent demise.

With a wealth of stickmen and women, eight terriers and some lads keen to burn off calories with spades, the outlook was rosy. Starting at the duck pond whose banks resembled a colander being so full of holes. Hunters took turns smoking hole after hole. “Toffee” and “Sydney” yapped and dug with endless enthusiasm but to no avail. “Coco” had clearly been up the night before watching some of her owners saucy films as she seemed intent on flirting and teasing the male terriers’ lipsticks to the entertainment of many of the ratting spectators. Her inappropriate behaviour was finally punished with banishment to the back of one of the vehicles. A confinement that seemed to frustrate “Rusty” more than any other. Rather than ratting he spent the rest of the morning, dander up, trying to mount the nobbly tyres of the 4x4 chastity cell and peeing over anything that had been within ten yards of the randy little bitch. The latter being a point that may well explain why a number of ratters complained of damp, fragrant coats when they were picked up from the woodland floor. After an hour of watching, digging, smoking, chatting and laughing the rat population had been reduced by only one. “Raymond” claimed this score with some persistent digging within the island of the pond. It was about this time that the crowd’s patience wore thin and scouts were sent out to search for more productive grounds.

Thankfully the hunt was redeemed with a stretch of ditch running off from the pond. “Elvis” seemed keen to mark a well worked hole and encouraged a smoker and stick group to join him. It wasn’t long before rats started bolting and the terriers finally started earning their food. “Cafra” seemed at home dragging half gassed rats from their holes. Tag teaming followed with “Raymond”, “Elvis” and “Toffee” all getting a piece of the action. Even “Nipper” who is the veteran of the team seemed happy to be nuts high in cold ditch water scrapping for vermin. A number of rats sought sanctuary in an ash tree root after rather un-sportingly swimming under the muddy water to escape. Social secretary and local pig farming guru tried to sweep the waters like allied forces sonar netting U-boats. The fool was totally unsuccessful but proceeded to drench the crowds with the wild flailing actions of his spade.

Travelling further down the ditch brought little reward and even a trip to the farmers composting heap was to no avail. Never before has the number of ratters out numbered the quarry bag but all concerned left after having an entertaining morning out in the fresh air blowing away the hangovers gained from the night before. The Malton & Norton Ratcatchers wish to thank the Barton farmer who allowed them access onto their land and would further like to extend that thanks for the use of the two pairs of waders that were of great use.

A number of lessons were learnt from this event. Always visit the ratting site before organising such a large group of blood craving ratters. Never leave your wax coats on the floor, interiors upward, when there is a randy terrier musking sex wee all over. Most importantly never try the latest trend in alcoholic beverages when you’ve a 9am meet the day after. Especially when it’s called “Cheeky Vimto”.